Mental Health Tips to Make Your Holidays More Joyous
We all know the holidays are supposed to be a joyous and happy time full of celebrations with family and friends.
But for many people the holiday season often comes with a few unwelcome guests – anxiety, stress, loneliness, family quarrels, and even depression.
When we think about it, this really shouldn’t come as a big surprise… Between the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and the entertaining, many of us rarely have time to stop and truly enjoy the festivities, let alone take the extra time we may need to take care of ourselves.
On top of this, it’s when we’re reunited with family members and old friends that old patterns of behavior often emerge. And, given our already high levels of stress, our abilities to cope can seem as fleeting as a kiss under the mistletoe!
Statistically speaking, managing the extra stress the holidays bring is simply not a priority on most Americans’ holiday to-do lists. According to the American Psychological Association, more than 80 percent of Americans take no additional time to manage their increased levels of stress during the holiday season. To make matters worse, over half of all Americans have reported turning to unhealthy behaviors to cope with the added stress, behaviors such as drinking more alcohol, comfort eating, and sleeping and watching more TV.
Fortunately, by simply planning ahead and setting realistic expectations for yourself and others, you can minimize many of problems that seem as part and parcel of our holiday experiences as sharing the company of those we love.
Towards that end, the following are some of the most common problems people face each holiday season and suggestions on how to cope with or overcome them…
Anxiety and Stress
When you’re stressed out, it can be extremely difficult to stop and regroup. Accordingly, the best way to prevent stress is to be proactive and plan ahead.
Loneliness
While we all may think of the holidays as a time to share with others, loneliness is anything but uncommon during the holiday season.
Empty nesters, the elderly and individuals who are grieving the loss of a relationship or loved one are particularly vulnerable to feelings of loneliness and isolation. This is true anytime of the year, but those feelings can become acute when there’s a sense that the rest of the world is sharing a “Hallmark moment.”
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated…
Family Relational Issues
Families can bring out the best and worst in each of us. While most of us look forward to reuniting each year with those whom we share our earliest memories, it’s often with these same people that helped shape our own unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving.
Add to this the fact that it seems almost all families have at least one member who makes a career out of spoiling the party. And then compound the difficulties further with the complicated mix of guilt, anger, sorrow, and joy that typically comes with today’s modern blended, reconfigured, and reconstituted families involving multiple people from multiple relationships, and you have the makings of a truly “memorable” family holiday!
So, how can you navigate the potential minefield that is the family holiday gathering?
Seasonal Depression
For many people in the United States, the fall and winter seasons bring more than just shorter days, colder weather, and warm holidays spent with friends and family. This time of year also brings the effects of seasonal depression.
While this seasonal depression – sometimes known as the winter blues – isn’t serious for many of the individuals who suffer its effects, for some it can mean days and even weeks of depression, fatigue, changes in eating and sleeping habits, and an overall loss of energy. The persistent recurrence of these symptoms each year is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
Although there are a number of competing theories, the exact causes of SAD are unknown.
That being said, while there doesn’t seem to be a consensus on whether or not SAD can be prevented – outside of relocating to the tropics or spending your winters somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere – there are steps you can take to minimize the impact of SAD…
Above All Else…
Don’t let the holidays become something you dread. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal or family demands, so you can take steps to avoid or prevent them before they lead to a breakdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can create peace and joy during the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would!
But for many people the holiday season often comes with a few unwelcome guests – anxiety, stress, loneliness, family quarrels, and even depression.
When we think about it, this really shouldn’t come as a big surprise… Between the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and the entertaining, many of us rarely have time to stop and truly enjoy the festivities, let alone take the extra time we may need to take care of ourselves.
On top of this, it’s when we’re reunited with family members and old friends that old patterns of behavior often emerge. And, given our already high levels of stress, our abilities to cope can seem as fleeting as a kiss under the mistletoe!
Statistically speaking, managing the extra stress the holidays bring is simply not a priority on most Americans’ holiday to-do lists. According to the American Psychological Association, more than 80 percent of Americans take no additional time to manage their increased levels of stress during the holiday season. To make matters worse, over half of all Americans have reported turning to unhealthy behaviors to cope with the added stress, behaviors such as drinking more alcohol, comfort eating, and sleeping and watching more TV.
Fortunately, by simply planning ahead and setting realistic expectations for yourself and others, you can minimize many of problems that seem as part and parcel of our holiday experiences as sharing the company of those we love.
Towards that end, the following are some of the most common problems people face each holiday season and suggestions on how to cope with or overcome them…
Anxiety and Stress
When you’re stressed out, it can be extremely difficult to stop and regroup. Accordingly, the best way to prevent stress is to be proactive and plan ahead.
- Create a Budget and Stick To It – One of the biggest sources of stress during the holidays is often money. It’s not uncommon for people to feel compelled to create the “perfect” holiday experience by spending their way to success. But, as the saying goes, money can’t buy happiness. And, if you’re already stressed out or depressed, spending more than you can afford will only make matters worse… especially when all those bills come due in January! So, before you shopping for food and gifts, decide how much money you can afford to spend and stick to your budget. You can also give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange. In fact, it’s more than likely you’re not alone when it comes to wanting to cut down on holiday expenses and a family gift exchange may make more than a few other family members even happier this holiday season!
- Schedule Your Time – Set aside specific days for shopping, cooking, cleaning, visiting friends, and other holiday activities. Don’t forget to make your shopping lists ahead of time so you don’t have to run back to the store for last minute items. Prioritize your time, and be sure to ask others for help.
- Know Yourself – Each of us experiences stress in different ways. You may get irritable or angry, you may have a difficult time making decisions or concentrating, you may feel stress in your muscles and joints or get tension headaches, or you may just feel burned out and a lack of energy. However stress manifests itself to you, learning your own stress signals is vital when it comes to knowing when to say enough is enough. Listen to your self.
- Learn To Say No – Trying to be everywhere and do it all is a surefire path to burnout. So, learn to say “No” respectfully. Your friends will understand if you can’t take part in every activity or gathering.
- Don’t Abandon Healthy Habits – Overindulging and letting the holidays become a free-for-all will only add to your anxiety and stress, so be sure to get plenty of sleep, don’t overeat, and continue to make time for regular physical exercise.
- Make Time for You – Simply spending 15-30 minutes each day by yourself doing something relaxing can refresh you and give you the energy you need to handle everything else that comes your way. So, make the time to do whatever it is that revitalizes you, be it walking outside, meditating, reading, or listening to relaxing music.
Loneliness
While we all may think of the holidays as a time to share with others, loneliness is anything but uncommon during the holiday season.
Empty nesters, the elderly and individuals who are grieving the loss of a relationship or loved one are particularly vulnerable to feelings of loneliness and isolation. This is true anytime of the year, but those feelings can become acute when there’s a sense that the rest of the world is sharing a “Hallmark moment.”
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated…
- Acknowledge Your Feelings – If someone close to you has passed away or you simply can’t be with the ones you love, realize that it’s normal to feel grief and sadness. It’s okay to express your feelings and even cry if you need to. You can’t force yourself to be happy and trying to do so will just make matters worse.
- Reach Out to Others – Loneliness feeds on itself. So, if you feel lonely or isolated, attend a holiday celebration or call a close friend and go out for coffee. You can also seek out community, religious, or other social events that offer support and companionship or volunteer your time to help others. The latter can be an especially effective means of lifting your spirits and broadening your friendships.
- Share Your Feelings – Be honest with the people you trust, and tell them you’re feeling lonely. They’re more than likely to appreciate your disclosure and it will deepen your sense of connection.
Family Relational Issues
Families can bring out the best and worst in each of us. While most of us look forward to reuniting each year with those whom we share our earliest memories, it’s often with these same people that helped shape our own unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving.
Add to this the fact that it seems almost all families have at least one member who makes a career out of spoiling the party. And then compound the difficulties further with the complicated mix of guilt, anger, sorrow, and joy that typically comes with today’s modern blended, reconfigured, and reconstituted families involving multiple people from multiple relationships, and you have the makings of a truly “memorable” family holiday!
So, how can you navigate the potential minefield that is the family holiday gathering?
- Plan Ahead – When it comes to difficult family members, it should come as no surprise that so-and-so is highly critical and near impossible to deal with, so think ahead of time about ways you can excuse yourself from the situation when you need a breather. Talk to other family members about taking turns being “the ear” for the difficult relative. And, since it’s difficult to be active and grumpy at the same time, arrange ahead of time to have some distractions available. When it comes to blended families, planning well in advance who will spend time with whom on what days and listening to the concerns and desires of all involved will go a long way towards preventing hurt feelings and disagreements before they start.
- Be Flexible – When it comes to step- and blended families, being flexible is the key. Children are often reluctant to spend time with “new” family members or drive from one house to another to make sure everyone gets time together. By tuning in to your children’s needs and emotions and being flexible about how holidays are celebrated (including when, where, with whom, and how), you can still be fair to everyone and help create new traditions that nurture both your children and your family.
- Set Aside Differences – Try to accept family members and friends as they are and set aside any grievances you have for a more appropriate time to discuss them. And try to be understanding when friends and family members get stressed or upset, as it’s more than likely they’re feeling the stress of the holidays, too.
Seasonal Depression
For many people in the United States, the fall and winter seasons bring more than just shorter days, colder weather, and warm holidays spent with friends and family. This time of year also brings the effects of seasonal depression.
While this seasonal depression – sometimes known as the winter blues – isn’t serious for many of the individuals who suffer its effects, for some it can mean days and even weeks of depression, fatigue, changes in eating and sleeping habits, and an overall loss of energy. The persistent recurrence of these symptoms each year is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
Although there are a number of competing theories, the exact causes of SAD are unknown.
That being said, while there doesn’t seem to be a consensus on whether or not SAD can be prevented – outside of relocating to the tropics or spending your winters somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere – there are steps you can take to minimize the impact of SAD…
- Exercise Regularly – Regular exercise can help you reduce the anxiety and stress that contribute to, and exacerbate, SAD. Exercising will make you feel better about yourself and help you cope with any SAD symptoms that do occur.
- Eat Right – Make sure your body gets all of the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients it needs, as doing so can go a long way in helping to minimize SAD’s symptoms and make you feel better.
- Get Some Sun – Although “phototherapy” or “light therapy” can help, nothing is better than fresh air and natural sunlight. If you’ve been diagnosed with SAD, take every advantage you can of any sunny days to go outside and enjoy.
Above All Else…
- Be Realistic – The holidays don’t have to be perfect! As relationships and families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones.
- Seek Professional Help – If, despite your best efforts, you find yourself feeling persistently stressed, anxious, depressed, angry, or sad, or you’re unable to sleep or face even routine tasks, talk to your physician or a mental health professional.
- Exercise Your Right To Choose – Remember that you have a choice about whom you spend your holidays with and how you react to each person and situation. You can choose to politely engage difficult relatives in limited conversation or you can choose to respectfully decline to attend a particular gathering. You can choose to remain isolated or seek the company of others. You can choose to take on too much or make room for some alone time. So, choose to focus the majority of your time and attention on enjoying the holiday season and spending it with the friends and family members who are enjoying each other.
- Be Compassionate and Count Your Blessings – Whether you’re dealing with a difficult family member, are struggling to make sure everyone in your blended family is included, want to make sure you don’t fall back into old, unhelpful patterns of behavior, or are just trying to limit your stress, practice compassion for your self and others. Remember that every day is a gift and every person in it whom we love and who loves us is part of that gift. That’s what the season is supposed to be all about!
Don’t let the holidays become something you dread. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal or family demands, so you can take steps to avoid or prevent them before they lead to a breakdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can create peace and joy during the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would!
